The Telephone Conman and the Wizard Some songs emerge from prayer. Some emerge from meditation. And some emerge from a telephone scammer having the misfortune of calling the wrong person. This song was inspired by a very real phone call I received one afternoon from a predatory overseas calling center. As the young man on the other end of the line began working through his carefully prepared script, I found myself seized by one of those creative impulses that occasionally arrive without warning. Rather than ending the call, I decided to introduce him to Mortimer the Brown, one of North America's great Wizards. For the next several minutes, the young caller learned that he had accidentally interrupted a member of the Great Wizard Confluence Constabulary, a wizard with very little patience for those who prey upon the elderly. The lesson concluded with Mortimer placing a small but highly educational curse upon the young man, one designed to ensure that every dishonest act would eventually come back to visit its creator. As I finally hung up the telephone, the young man's last words were a sincerely panicked: "WAIT... NO..." The Telephone Conman and the Wizard transforms that memorable encounter into a humorous neo-folk Americana ballad filled with wizardry, cosmic comedy, redemption, and unexpected wisdom. Beneath the laughter lies an old truth shared by the world's great spiritual traditions: every action carries consequences, every soul is capable of change, and sometimes the universe teaches its most important lessons through the most unexpected encounters. Part tall tale, part folk legend, and part spiritual fable, this song celebrates the possibility that conscience may be the greatest magic of all. After all, wizards are patient. Consequences are even more patient.